Everyone wants control over their own emotions, especially those unpleasant. However, the fact that most people consider controlled emotions is not really a real control, but rather it could be called resistance or internal struggle with their own emotions. Ellen Starr Counselling will let you know how to handle your emotions.
When there are unpleasant feelings, most people oppose them, tries to suppress, suppress them, draw attention (to avoid them), analyze feelings or self, enjoy the imaginations that accompany that feeling, which leads to disaster, dramatization, and so on. All these maneuvers do not really represent a proper control but an inner struggle that leads to the person in conflict with himself. This inner struggle leads to an unpleasant internal tension, anxiety and the pursuit of unpleasant feelings.
How can we truly control our feelings?
We cannot exhale emotions from our lives; we cannot live a life without any feelings because feelings are part of human nature. But that does not mean that we should live in a drama, that is, that we are constantly emotionally reactive and that we often experience intense feelings. We can learn how to deal with feelings so that they are the spice of our life, but not the master.
Feelings occur spontaneously and automatically, or unconscious. This means that we cannot prevent their occurrence. But when feelings arise and we become aware of this we can do some things that will lead to our control over them, which will make us not fall into the fire.
There are four basic principles that we need to apply in order to exercise control over our own feelings when they appear.
The principle – distance, non-identification, feelings, I am not
This principle implies that when there is a strong, usually negative feeling that we keep the awareness that this is only a feeling, not a reality, and second, that feeling is not a feature of my identity, mine. When there are intense negative but also positive feelings, people automatically direct all their attention to them, and this can lead to a person having an authentic experience of being in a reality. This feeling is a consequence of narrow-mindedness. Attention is otherwise a limited resource, and when it is narrowed down to an experience or idea, it becomes an authentic and powerful feeling that automatically equates to reality. A good example of this is watching a movie in the cinema. When watching an interesting movie in the cinema you get so much that in some moments your attention is so absorbed that at that moment, the film is the only reality for you. Then you experience emotions and you have the experience as if you are watching the reality in which you participate. Why is this happening? This is because attention is narrowed and focused entirely on the film, and therefore the ability of critical thinking to be based on which would make a critical distance to what we perceive.